Stone Overcoat - July, 2004

July 2004

I do not remember much of June and I think that partly may have been because it felt like it went by so quickly. Some of my fruits and vegetables were coming to bear and I needed to harvest them and I needed to get some to the markets and do my best to preserve what I had left over and was not able to use immediately. These were the kind of things keeping me occupied after I got home with the stone box under my jacket. The minute I stepped into the door something seemed to get under Townes skin. He did not hiss and he did not growl loud but he made a sound in his chest and it did not seem like he was very happy. When I walked near him he ran away and climbed up a cabinet and sat on top and watched me. He never acted this way before. I remember it worrying me but my mind was on getting the box hidden and I went into the basement and dug a hole as best I could and put the box in it and filled in the hole and came back up. 

I am not a drinker and I do not drink alcohol very often but I remember having a bottle of beer that night and being able to scratch Townes head when he finally came over to me. He seemed to have calmed down and seemed to want to be around me and not avoid me like he did earlier. He jumped up on my lap and I pet him and rubbed his belly and he started to purr. Maybe he was just startled that I came home with something because when I went to bury the mice I never came back with anything in my hands. He licked and nibbled at my index finger which did not feel good and I knew before I drank any beer I should clean it so I set the bottle down and put Townes on the floor and walked to the bathroom and turned on the tap and ran my finger underneath warm water before washing it with soap. The pulled up nail stung a bit when the water hit and I hoped the nail would not fall off but it did not look bad enough for that to be the case. Whatever the case would be I dried it off and put a bandage over top of it so it did not get infected. The last I could need was to go to the doctor about an injury to my finger because while I guess I could just have just said I caught my finger on something I do not want to lie if I do not have to and just not telling the truth is sometimes the same thing as lying. 

Anyway June was quiet in some ways and very busy in others as I mentioned. I found I did not have as much time as I did before to go to bingo with Lotus but she was also very busy with her work. I still made sure I went to play because it was fun and a nice way for me to relax after working on the farm all day. I did not talk to many people there even though I said hello to everyone I knew who were regulars there too and I made sure I did not buy more cards because I was lonely. I do not want to buy as many cards as I can possible buy because Lotus is not with me. Whatever the case was it seemed like in a way some of Lotus’ luck had rubbed off on me and I won on a handful of cards. I did not win as much as she did the last time which was over 2000 dollars but I won a good amount of money and enough that I was happy with it. I have never really won that type of money so while I knew exactly what I would do with it — get some new work clothes and look into tuning up some of the equipment I had — it felt like a treat to be able to do those things without having to find a way to trim that money from other things I need to spend money on. Whatever the case might have been my trips to the bingo hall were worth more and more when I went and I wondered if I needed to take a break from going because some people like Kevin and Nansee and Mike and Arleen and Pope and Faith were getting mad at me. They are the people who do not ever seem to be happy no matter what is coming their way. I went three times one week and I won almost 500 dollars each time. It was sometime at the beginning of July and I could find the exact dates if I needed to because I have the bills for what I bought but I do not think the exact date really matters. I decided I would only go to bingo twice a week and I would play the same number of cards I had before because I did not want anyone to think I was cheating or anything like that. 

Life at home seemed to not have changed very much except I had a bit more breathing room in July in terms of money. I think there were fewer mice for Townes to kill but I think that is also because it was summertime and there are always fewer mice in the summertime. Townes seemed to have settled into the house and I was letting him come and go as he pleased and he always came back at night which I was very happy about. I know in Screaming Ridge and in Northern Alberta and in Alberta and anywhere on the Prairies really it was a risk letting a cat roam around on a farm because a lot of other animals could come along and decide he was lunch and there was not going to be much he could do if a coyote decided he was lunch. I decided that was the way the world worked and sometimes it was hard but we had to accept it because no one is going to live forever no matter what we want and if it is my cat who goes because it is his time then it is his time just the same as it could be my time any time. 

I am very glad Townes was coming home every night and usually around the same time every day because whenever I went into town to pick up something I heard about the coyotes and bobcats who were wandering around. I know a lot of my neighbours had rifles and a lot of people talked about them all the time like having a rifle could be the greatest thing in the world and that they would do anything to protect themselves and I think it is always such a funny thing to hear people talk about protecting themselves like they need to worry an army is going to come storming through Screaming Ridge. Screaming Ridge not very big and it is not on anyone’s map. It is barely on the Canadian map and even then it might not be because it is so small. The biggest town nearby might have been Athabasca and I think then it really depends on what someone thinks is big and what someone thinks is nearby. Whatever the case might be with the size of Screaming Ridge I think some people wanted to imagine it was bigger than it was because it made them feel like they had a different place in the world than they had and they tried to take that feeling and make people treat them differently. I understand caring about being from Screaming Ridge because I was born there and I understand that being important because I do not want anyone talking badly about the town either but acting like someone from Screaming Ridge is better than someone from Edson or Hinton or Fairview or Dawson Creek or does not make sense to me. One day I went to the bank and I heard Jarrett — J-A-double R-E-double T — talking about how there was something wrong with people from Tumbler Ridge as if they were was some sort of competition between the two towns. I doubt our town is even on most maps but that is beside the point I guess. 

Towards the middle of the month I ran into Lotus who invited me out for dinner to catch up. There are not a lot of places to go for dinner but both of us like pizza so we went to the pizza joint and we each ordered a pizza. Lotus ordered a beer and I said I would do the same but I did not drink very much of it because I was driving and that is one thing there is too much of in the country. There are a lot of reasons people give for driving after they have had a few beers and in our small town it was usually related to not being a very far drive and I understand that it was not a very far drive but it was not a very far walk either and that counts in the winter too. Whatever the case might have been Lotus and I were able to sit down and catch up a bit which was very nice. She told me her work was going very well and the new job was not quite what she expected but she likes the work a lot more than when she was a teller at the bank and she gets to do a lot more complicated work and I was happy to hear that. I told Lotus about the luck I was having at bingo and how my farming seemed to be going well and how I was having fewer mice in the house and she said that all sounded really good and while it was not as exciting as a new job or anything like that she was really happy my life was going well. The year before at this time my brother was dying and my mother had not gotten sick just yet but that was not far behind. I did not even recognize the calendar and I did not even think about what time of the year it was. The first few months after they died had been so busy with trying to figure out the farm that I was able to stay busy for a good while and the most recent months had been so busy with some good fortune I was not looking at the calendar very much. Time moves very quickly if you do not pay attention to it and that is what I am noticing about it by writing this journal and thinking about the past. I am noticing how much I forget and how there is so much that happens in some days and so little that happens in other days and I lose focus to the point sometimes where everyday is just every day. 

I was not expecting it but when it came time to pay for the pizzas I was told the pizza was free tonight because of a new promotion or a new special or something of that sort. I won a few times at bingo but I had never won an award and I had never won a prize and I certainly had never had my dinner paid for because I won something drawn when I was a customer. I remember Lotus telling me I was on a streak of good luck and not to forget her when something real big came my way and I laughed and said hahaha I am not sure that will happen but I would keep her in mind. There is no way I could forget her and her support. Anyway however dinner ended up being free I was not going complain about it. I have heard to not check a horse’s teeth if it is a gift and I would not do that with the pizza. I left a nice tip from us and we left on our way. 

Lotus asked me if I had noticed anything different recently and I told her no I had not noticed anything different and asked her if there was anything she had in mind and she said no not really there was not anything in particular she had in mind but she wondered if I had thought about the luck I was enjoying. I told her I did not think about it too much because I do not want to end up spoiling my luck and finding myself on the wrong side. She said she understood that and if I did not want to think about it too much that was good but I should think about how I can use what I am enjoying for helping others and she was absolutely right about that. When I was having bad luck with my brother and mom dying — I think that counts as bad luck but I am not sure — Lotus was there to help me out and I think that was some good luck when I was experiencing bad luck. So when I was seeing a lot of things come my way it was important for me to make sure I helped where I could. I told Lotus I would make sure I helped others and I asked her if she needed any help and she said no not at the moment she did not need any. I asked her if Jarrett was still giving her a hard time and she said he was giving her a hard time still yes. The bigger problem was he was getting bolder and bolder with bothering her. He left more and more fuck-you letters under her wipers and he did more letters more often and even left them at the bank when they worked together. She said in a way it was not him leaving the letters that bothered her but everyone else who worked at the bank did not do anything to stop him and did not do anything to stand up or her. Lotus told me she could handle someone who is a jerk to her face but the people who smiled at her and talked behind her back were the bigger problem. I told her I could understand that and I hope I have never been one of those people and she said I have not been and I have been a good friend to her and I thanked her for telling me. I know it was selfish of me to want to be a good friend when I hear what she is telling me. It is not about whether or not I feel like a good friend. It is about whether or not I am active in my support and I need to do a better job of that and I will do a better job of it. I told Lotus I would do everything I can do to make sure she is not dealing with Jarrett and his nonsense and she said no thank you and she did not want me to make it any worse for her. 

After we left the pizza joint Lotus went home and I went home and I went straight into the basement and dug up the box I found. I do not know why I did that right away. I did not even feed Townes when I came in and I did not even scratch his head and I have not ever done that ever since I brought him home. I did not think too much of in the moment and I hate to admit that but it is important to be honest. I sat on the floor in the basement for I do not know how long turning the box over and over and over in my hand. I remember feeling the rough path when I first found the box and I did not want to cut myself again or at least that is what I told myself. I was worried about what was in the box and what I think the animal was. I looked on the internet for a little bit trying to find animals and I looked for the sabretooth tiger and of course that cat was too big but I did not know what else to search for because I am no expert on animals like this and even if it is crazy I was worried about being found out about having whatever it was I had. I know some people have found things like this and they have tried to make money from it. It is obviously some kind of coffin or something for burials and I worried about being a grave robber because I never wanted to be a grave robber and I would never think about grave robbing even though in some ways that is exactly what I did when I found the box and when I opened it up. But right away as soon as I opened it I knew I needed to put it somewhere safe and to put it back to rest and I think I did that and by not talking about it to anyone I think I am doing the right thing. Maybe I did the wrong thing by not letting anyone know I found the thing but I do not think that is the case. 

I tried to look on the internet for ancient languages but I found searching for ancient languages was too hard to do. There are so many languages I do not even know where to start and while I know I can start searching for ancient languages in North America I do not even where to start there. One thing I have been noticing more and more when I have been looking at the box is that there are lots of round symbols with lines coming out of them and it looks in some ways like maybe they are pictures of seed coming from the circles. Once again I do not really know because I am just guessing and I know I am just trying to figure out how the symbols look like something I know so I can say I know what they look like. I wonder if that is what all of the archaeologists all do when they find something. There have to be some things they find where they have no idea and they are just guessing and hoping they are right so they can seem as smart as they want to seem. Whatever the case might have been I finally paid attention to the scratching at the basement door and I buried the box again and went upstairs and found Townes crying for his dinner and I felt bad and I fed him right away. I looked at the clock and I could not believe it was nearly midnight and I had gotten home sometime early in the evening. I do not remember exactly the time I got home but I am sure I could figure it out if I really needed to. What I remember is it was not almost midnight when I got home from pizza. I had a hard time getting my head around where the time went while I was in the basement but time is time and sometimes it runs away and that is okay if it happens here and there. I knew I needed to go to bed because I had to get up tomorrow and get to work in the field and make sure my farm was taken care of. How the time went so quickly was a puzzle to me and it was something I would need to think about.